||[Jul. 25th, 2008|04:25 pm]
last night i had a dream that i couldn't convince myself not to be afraid and go into some stupid haunted house at halloween. it was a struggle. most of what i remember is desperately telling myself to just DO IT, get scared, you'll survive, but it's a fucking play haunted house, you'll get over it. but the dream ended in me walking away, saying, "no, no, no, i can't, i won't."|
i think what this translates to in real life is my potential failure to control my emotions. in the dream, the specified emotion was fear, of course, but i don't feel fear every day. i feel sad every day. it's completely retarded. sometimes there are reasons, sometimes there aren't, but probably 80% of the time i wake up in the morning i feel disgustingly, inexplicably sad. i'm trying so hard, i'm trying, i'm trying, i'm trying not to be like that, because i know better. i know my life is beautiful. i love my friends, i love my home, i love my major so much it's unnatural, and sometimes i even love my family. my emotions are completely unjustified, and i'm insanely jealous of normal people who don't have to fight every minute of every day to be happy. i don't understand; i wish i were like that.